Get out of the car!

(This is a supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs: "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They gone out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

sursa aici

Melodie pentru zile ploioase

A venit si toamna. Mai repede de cat as fi asteptat-o. Zile mohorate, in care trebuie sa pornesti spre munca atunci cand nu ai vrea nimic altceva decat sa tragi mai tare patura peste tine si sa mai dormi o ora sau doua. Zile care par sa semene intre ele, dar observi cum se dezbraca tot mai mult natura de vesminte, iar nuditatea ei e stanjenitoare pentru buna ta dispozitie.
Cana de ceai pe care nu ai fi dorit-o in vara asta torida devine deliciul orelor care se scurg incet. Arome si gusturi noi si vechi. Frunze moarte si minunatii de crizanteme pe care ai vrea sa le iei acasa de la toate florariile din cale. Culegi din dulap haina groasa in care te simti atat de bine si incerci sa treci peste lucrurile marunte care alcatuiesc viata si sa te bucuri de ea. Viata e frumoasa. Trebuie sa ne amintim mai des acest lucru.

Joke of the day

Now this is just Minnesota funny.

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Experience Counts

Joke of the day

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Joke of the day

THE COWBOY

A woman went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and find out?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody never paid me fer mah services before."
The woman said; "Don't be flattered. Just take the money and buy boots that fit."

Operatiunea "Chilotii Rosii"

Citisem acum cateva zile despre cum vor guvernantii nostri sa convinga romanii sa se lase de fumat. Operatiunea asta eu o numesc "Chilotii Rosii" si nu campanie “Stop Fumat!”. Azi am vazut si primul afis, nu foarte bine pentru ca cei care intindeau afisele se intindeau cam mult sa aseze sau sa netezeasca rotunjimile Mihaelei Radulescu.

Compania care a castigat licitatia si care se ocupa de promovarea proiectului de peste 700.000 euro are ca actionar majoritar pe sotul Mihaelei, Elan Schwartzenberg.

Doamna se mandreste tare cu aceasta campanie care, crede ea, va duce la disperarea "nevestelor care vor fi suparate pe mine" si multumirea "domnilor care vor plescai fericiti". Eu am o impresie ca se inseala macar in privinta catorva neveste si a catorva barbati.

Mai ales ca unii sunt nefumatori, deci pentru ei e inca o vedeta mai putin imbracata pe un afis. Iar pentru cei mai multi conducatori auto, majoritar barbati(cum se stie), prioritar este sa fie atenti dupa bizonii din circulatie, nu dupa chilotii rosii de pe panouri. Asa ca raman "nevestele suparate" care si ele pot fi nefumatoare.

Sunt invitate si alte vedete, care vor poza doar in camasa alba si...surpriza...chiloti rosii! Pe cand si o vedeta masculina in urmatorii chiloti rosii, ca eu sigur nu ma mai apuc de fumat!


sursa imagine: www.yuppy.ro

LE: nu mai este sotul ei. Si sigur nu ma apuc de fumat.

La Multi Ani!

Tuturor Mariilor, Marioareleor, Marinelor, Marinilor, Marienelor si tuturor celor care sarbatoresc ziua lor de ziua Nasterii Maicii Domnului. Nu Adormirii, ca nu mi se pare normal sa serbezi moartea.

La multi ani mamei mele Mariana, nanutei Maria, matusii Maria, doamnei Mira si lui nea Marin. La multi ani si celor pe care nu-i stiu. Si felicitari si Anelor pe maine!:D

Joke of the day

Not everything is ok in Yahoo!Answers.
You can mention me as source if you show this to somebody else. I don't mind. :)

Turismul din Romania

Post preluat de pe pagina personala de yahoo360, 30 mai:

Turismul din Romania nu are standarde inalte de calitate. E un adevar dureros, dar e un adevar. Chelnerii din baruri si restaurante trateaza de multe ori lumea cu indiferenta si sunt foarte slab pregatiti. Tocmai din aceasta cauza, atunci cand cineva gaseste un loc in care este tratat in mod normal, cu respectul cuvenit pentru client, se grabeste sa trambiteze. Asa cum am facut eu cu serviciile de la Hanul Ancutei, de exemplu. Si, cu toate ca nu a primit bacsis( nu din vina mea, ca nu eu am platit), chelnerita a continuat sa fie amabila.

Nu exista cursuri in care oamenii sa fie invatati ca mancarea buna nu e completa fara a-l trata pe client frumos. Cand pretul este afisat pe suta de grame iar tu primesti portie trebuie sa ti se mentioneze asta. Cand esti aproape de ora de inchidere si nu mai poti servi lumea precizezi lucrul asta inainte de a da oamenii comanda, ca sa nu se mai agite si sa caute sa manance in alta parte. Cand jumatate din felurile de mancare din meniu nu sunt disponibile pentru ca bucatarul tau lucreaza cu jumatate de norma si tu incalzesti mancarea e bine sa precizezi ca unele feluri de mancare nu sunt disponibile, ca sa nu-ti mai racesti gura de pomana comandand. Nu de alta, dar macar cu atata sa ramai despre impresia de la acel restaurant ( s-a intamplat la Casa Lavric, unde nici clatite nu faceau la ora 16, cu toate ca programul era pana la 20-21). Cand nu stii sa faci un fel de desert nu-l mai face: exemplu banana split de la Alila, unde 1 banana si jumatate au fost taiate pe lung, s-a adaugat deasupra frisca din tub cat sa le acopere artistic, s-au turnat bombonele de ornament deasupra si s-a daugat cupa de inghetata langa. Pur si simplu banana taiata, ca doar asta e numele, nu? Ce sos de caramel, ce banane coapte usor la cuptor, ce treaba au retetele??

Recent am prins la nu stiu care post de televiziune un sondaj despre comparatie intre turismul din Romania si Bulgaria. Ei bine, promovarea e totul. Si serviciile. Nu stiu cat de frumoasa e Bulgaria in comparatie cu Romania, dar macar aia se straduiesc sa ne atraga in calitate de clienti. Au pana si meniuri in limba romana. Iar ca un capac peste tot interesul lor, dovedind ca nu degeaba ne vindeau ei castraveti, e faptul ca se bat sa invete limba romana la liceu, in mod organizat. Stirea se regaseste in Evenimentul Zilei, unde se precizeaza de catre administratia liceului din Ruse ca din sute de doritori (repet, sute), doar 27 de elevi vor studia limba romana.

Cati dintre chelnerii romani stiu si o alta limba straina? Nu-i asa ca e o intrebare de baraj?

Citate

Succesul nu este o destinatie...este doar calitatea calatoriei tale. ( Ph. Baker )

“Scrisul, pentru mine, este doar gandire prin intermediul degetelor mele.” Isaac Asimov

Fa lucrul pe care crezi ca nu poti sa-l faci. Esueaza. Incearca din nou. Fa-l mai bine a doua oara. Singurii oameni care nu cad sunt cei care nu urca pe cablul de la inaltime. Acesta este momentul tau. Ia-l. Oprah Winfrey

Oamenii nu sunt prizonierii destinului, ci mai degraba prizonieri ai propriei minti. Franklin D. Roosevelt

Trebuie sa fii schimbarea pe care doresti sa o vezi in lume. Mahatma Gandhi

Nu lasa visele sa piara, pentru ca daca visele mor viata nu este decat o pasare cu aripi rupte care nu mai poate sa zboare. Langston Hughes

Un minut de succes poate sterge ani de nereusite. Robert Browning

Romania in genunchi??

Ori de cate ori exista o ratare, a echipei de handbal sau a echipei nationale de fotbal, titlurile ziarelor sau ale televiziunilor ajung la "Romania in genunchi". Atunci cand handbalistele noastre au avut victorii peste victorii, fiind aproape de castigarea titlului international, 5 minute de stiri au fost suficiente la orice televiziune. Nu tu interviuri, incurajari si alte cele. Atunci cand jucatori de fotbal foarte bine platiti isi cumpara nu stiu ce telefon sau se casatoresc/divorteaza sau mai stiu eu ce, sunt prezentati la "stirile sportive". Mai nou echipa nationala de fotbal a avut inca un meci jalnic. E un motiv in plus pentru care nu mai urmaresc meciurile de fotbal de mult timp. Jenante mi se par titlurile. De ce ar fi Romania in genunchi? Pentru ca aceste echipe nu au ajuns unde trebuie? Pentru ca nu este "in triumf"? Si cati dintre romani sunt in genunchi? Se roaga cumva pentru iertarea echipelor, pentru viitoare izbanzi? Sau se roaga sa le mai dea rabdare zecilor de oameni care-si pun sperantele in ei?

N-am inteles niciodata aceste titluri. Sa stea echipele in genunchi, dar nu tara intreaga. Mai ales la ultima catastrofa pe teren la care "au jucat" fotbalistii platiti din banii nostri. Pentru ca ei stiu sa joace bine numai la cluburi, la alte echipe. Sa joci pentru nationala e plictisitor si obositor, astfel incat nu e bine sa ajungi in semifinale(macar). Altfel cum poti sa fii in forma pentru a juca la cluburile straine, a te distra in hoteluri sau sa te apuci de facut reality-show?

Cantecelul de vineri

Vinerea mi se urca tot sangele in cap si ma apuca asa un chef de munca cum numai aia de au parale multe si colaci de pus in coada la caine au. Pana la a face cum fac ei, ma pregatesc si eu sa le urez de pe acuma "La Multi Ani!" mamei si celorlalte Marii la care ma indrept cu ce am prin casa de ziua lor la sfarsitul asta de saptamana, reamintesc celorlalti sa nu uite ca ziua mea e marti si nu refuz cadourile( am primit deja un avans la ele). In continuare, pentru ca nu m-am putut decide, adaug cateva melodii cantate de Rolf Harris, ca sa merg acasa vesela tare.



si:



si(fara imagini, dar melodia merita):

L-am descoperit pe MuZumbu

Ieri l-am descoperit pe MuZumbu. Nu se ascundea nicaieri, dar m-am lipit de pagina lui imediat pentru glumele si stilul de a scrie.

Recomand in special doua posturi:
- Prepararea gratarului si
- Benq schimba numele in : Qisda

Sper sa mai publice si altele, ca eu de-abia astept.

Joke of the day

Girls night out

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ' MIDNIGHT'..he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said:'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.'Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Suferi de discomgoogolation?

Tot mai multi termeni sunt inventati pentru a veni in sprijinul noilor realitati ale vietii noastre. Si tot mai multi termeni vechi se pierd, o data cu realitatile pe care le reprezentau. Unii dintre acesti noi termeni sunt atat de ciudati incat fie te scarpi in cap de-andoaselea de mirare, fie prin alte parti, fiecare pe unde il mananca. Asa am aflat de la minunatii cercetatori britanici ca exista o noua boala discomgoogolation. Adica discomfortul Google- in traducere libera. Mai clar pentru noi ar fi stres cauzat de imposibilitatea de a te conecta la internet. Uf, ce bine ca am rezolvat-o si pe asta!

Termenul "discomgoogolation" provine de la "discombobulate", care inseamna a fi confuz sau frustrat, in relatie intrand si Google. Pentru ca Marele Oracol domina si la propriu vietile multora.

Joke of the day

BEST 'Out of Office' Automatic E-mail Replies:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you
if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and
heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will not be able to delete all the emails you send me until I return
from vacation. Please be patient, & your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the
first 10 words & $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message
has been delivered. Please restart your computer & try sending again....(The
beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over & over
& over....)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, & can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me....Please wait by your PC
for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office the next two weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Sheila' instead of Steve.




There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd take it."

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one!" - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support, rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Reteta de fursecuri fragede

Am scris aici despre reteta primita impreuna cu Zaharul vanilat Bourbon Dr. Oetker. Si saptamana trecuta am decis sa fac si respectiva reteta inainte de a expira produsul.

Iata reteta:

Pentru aluat: 250g unt sau margarina, 125 g zahar, pliculetul mentionat, 1 plic Zahar vanilat Bourbon Dr. Oetker, 3 galbenusuri, 250g faina, 150g Gustin Dr. Oetker(amidon din porumb)
pentru decor: 150g ciocolata de menaj

Mod de preparare:
1. Pentru aluat se amesteca untul sau margarina cu mixerul la viteza maxima. Se adauga treptat zaharul, zaharul vanilat si se amesteca pana cand se formeaza o masa compacta. Se adauga treptat oul si galbenusurile, fiecare galbenus la aproximativ 1/2 minut.
2. Se amesteca faina cu amidonul si se incorporeaza in aluat. Aluatul se pune intr-un sprit, cu ajutorul caruia se dau forme de coronite cu diametrul de aproximativ 4 cm, pe tava unsa si tapetata cu hartie pentru copt si se introduce in cuptor.
Cuptor electric: aproximativ 200grade Celsius(preincalzit)
Cuptor cu aer fierbinte: aproximativ 180grade Celsius(preincalzit)
Cuptor cu gaz: treptele 3-4(preincalzit)
Timp de coacere: aproximativ 10 minute pentru fiecare tava.
3. Fursecurile se scot din tava si se lasa la racit.
4. Pentru glazura se taie ciocolata in bucati mici, se fierbe pe baie de aburi la temperatura mica, pana devine o masa compacta. Fursecurile se scufunda pe jumatate in ciocolata si se aseaza pe hartie de copt.

Modul in care eu am preparat aceste fursecuri:

1. Am scos toate ingredientele pe care le aveam, incepand cu ouale si untul pe care le-am lasat sa se incalzeasca.
2. M-am apucat de amestecat untul( nu margarina) cu zaharul, moment in care am realizat ca nu am amidon si nici ciocolata.
3. L-am trimis pe sotior dupa amidon si ciocolata amaruie( nu de menaj)
4. Am primit Gustinul(marca recomandata, ca doar asa se face reclama) si ciocolata amaruie Poiana.
5. Am terminat repede cu reteta, am dat drumul la cuptorul meu cu gaz pentru preincalzire si m-am apucat de introdus aluatul in spritul meu. Moment in care am realizat ca nu e prima data cand imi spun ca voi arunca acel sprit si-mi voi cumpara altul, pentru ca aluaturile cu unt in contact cu spritul meu raman fara unt. Am scos aluatul din sprit si am facut mini bilute in palme pe care le-am aplatizat si le-am pus in tava acoperita cu hartie cerata unsa cu pensula cu putin ulei.
6. Am primit ajutor pentru a doua tava(multumiri sotiorului).
7. Cand a sunat ceasul de bucatarie cele 10 minute le-am scos si am introdus ultimele fursecuri in cea de-a doua tava.
8. Am pus ciocolata la topit pe baie de aburi. Moment in care am descoperit de ce nu voi mai lua niciodata cicolata amaruie de la Poiana. Aceasta ciocolata nu indica componentele si cantitatile in mod exact, astfel incat nu se stie concentratia de cacao. In plus, banuiesc faptul ca aceasta concentratie de cacao e foarte mica de vreme ce continea arome si potentiatori de arome. Ciocolata s-a topit prea repede, moment in care am adaugat o lingura de unt si trei lingurite de apa(laptele e mai bun, dar nu aveam momentan). Asa cred ca am ajuns la 150g de produs.
8. Fursecurile au fost unse pe o parte cu ciocolata.

Concluzii:
- fursecurile sunt foarte bune si pufoase, foarte usor de facut si mai ales in timp scurt. Se pot face mai multe si se pot umple cu diferite creme sau pot fi chiar servite alaturi de inghetata si cafea sau ceai cald.
- raman trei albusuri care trebuie folosite la altceva
- nu voi mai cumpara niciodata ciocolata Poiana
- nu am simtit in mod special gustul deosebit al produsului pentru care a fost facuta reclama